Lately I realize on one of the mistakes I make when I write. I have talking head syndrome.
Oh, not always, but occasionally it's two people talking, and not much else. I think I what I might do is describe the scene. Every time I break, move characters, or have a new scene. Just a brief description, like (parking lot, half empty, cold, wet, noon. Yellow blouse blue skirt. Him, t-shirt jeans. Dog.)
then, I just incorporate those bits into the writing.
So instead of:
“where did the dog come from?” she asked.
“are they nice people?”
“you should know. You slept with him.”
“oh, those neighbors. I thought you meant the guys across the street.”
“the druggies? No, still don't know them. I'm waiting for their meth lab to blow and wipeout the neighborhood, though.”
we now get:
“where did the dog come from?” she asked. The cold wind bit through the faint sunshine of the late afternoon. The parking lot they walked across was almost empty of cars.
“are they nice people?” she asked, zipping her jacket up over her yellow blouse. Her denim skirt snarled around her legs.
“you should know. You slept with him.” she stopped, her gaze focused on him.
“oh, those neighbors. I thought you meant the guys across the street.” the day darkened. It might rain soon, the gray skies overhead dark with clouds. She shivered lightly.
“the druggies? No, still don’t know them. I'm waiting for their meth lab to blow and wipeout the neighborhood, though.”
okay, maybe not as good, because too much narration interrupts the flow of the dialogue. This is just an example of how to add bits of scenery into a conversation. I realize I skip that quite a bit, yet it adds so much to the setting of a book. Something to work on, anyway.
After reviewing more books on writing, I think my female lead needs more internal conflict. Kind of help balance the book out. I think i'm going to give her a problem, like shyness, or social awkwardness, and have the hero inadvertently fix it. For him, he gains not only freedom but his pride back. Yep. Now, I just got to figure out how to do that.